Bihar is beautiful in the springtime...maybe.

Last Wednesday at 10 AM, my brother's flight landed in the Varanasi airport. In tow, he had two pairs of Gap jeans for me, six T-shirts, one friend from college, and one bag (half full) of Reese's. He had already eaten the first half, which no one could blame him for, and I surely did not.

After he arrived, we visited the school where I teach (not the Muslim one, but the other one. It's called The South Point School). There, I never have any idea what I'm doing and I have terribly broken conversations in Hindi with the two women I work with about labeling and organizing books. I don't know the Dewey Decimal system in English, let alone describing it to someone in Hindi. (In fact, my first day at Mount Holyoke College I actually thought all the books were in alphabetical order. The entire library. I'm not kidding.) Anyway, I showed Scott the room that I am responsible for turning into a community library, and the rest of the campus. After that we went to lunch and then finally went to the Radisson.

If I had some sort of sweet sound effect to attach to that word I totally would. It would be some epic drumming or opera. I'm leaning towards drumming, but maybe opera would have the classy tint I'm looking for. In any case, we went to the godamn Radisson and it was, to quote my facebook status, "almost like heaven, but, like, a lot better." The shower was like a dream come true. I took such a long, hot shower, that afterwards I was dizzy from the heat. It was SO GOOD. It definitely helped that it was my first shower in 3 months, which made it AMAZING. And the beds? Don't even. And the pillows were a dream come true. The day we left the Radisson, I took one, and spent the rest of the day with my backpack full to the brim with just the pillow. Because it was that fluffy.

Okay, now that you all understand how incredible the Radisson was, I'll describe why I was there in the first place. Jason, Scott's friend, works for a research group (or something, I don't quite get it) where he is based in Norway, travels around South Asia, and gets funded by the Norwiegan government to do cool shit. I think that that is his entire job. I know. I'm jealous of him too. Anyway, he has lots of money and I got to stay at the Radisson.

So on Saturday Jason was going to go to the India-Nepal border to do some fieldwork on the Naxals, who are big bad Indian commies. Scott and I decided to tag along, though I was more tagging along than Scott, due to his legitimate I'm-a-journalist-ness.

At 6 AM on Saturday, we ate our complimentary breakfast at the Radisson (because it's incredible) and then we located our car and driver to go to Nepal. As soon as we get inside, Jason checks to see how long the drive is. We expect it to be about 6 hours.

Jason: Kitna sumay lugega? (How much time will it take?)
Driver: Kyaa? (What?)
Jason: Kitna...sumay....lugega? (How....much time...will it take?)
Driver: *shakes head* Gyara gunte, bara gunte. (11 hours, 12 hours)
Jason: Kyaa? (What?)
Driver: Hahn. (Yes.)
Jason: Me...che gunte nahien heh? (I....not six hours?)
Driver: Nahien. (No.)
Jason: Janne? Ya anne-janne? (Going? Or coming and going?)
Driver: Hahn. (Yes.)
Jason: ...Anne-Janne? (...Coming and going?)
Driver: Hahn. (Yes.)

From this, Scott, Jason, and I decide that the driver meant six hours there and six hours back, which was totally do-able. It was what we expected.

Our driver also turns out to be the slowest drive in India. Ever. If India thought it ever had slow drivers, I challenge it [India] to watch this guy drive. Seriously. And he lives in India, of all places. He was even a slow driver for AMERICA. Yeah. This guy deserves a medal. Anyway, so we drive into Bihar, which is the state directly to the east of Uttar Pradesh, where I live.

Bihar is the most backward state in India. It is the bottom state of almost every single ranking in India. The literacy rate? 44%. The literacy rate of women is half that of the men in the state, and it is one of the most oppressive states in India. We drove through a village where there were absolutely no buildings, only wood shacks with tarps as rooves lining the road. My brother jokingly said, "This is the third largest city in Bihar." It was supposed to be a joke, but I believed him. It wasn't a stretch.

So when we were about 1 hour away from Patna, the capital of Bihar, we passed through a town called Araa (What's Bihaarrrr's favorite city for pirates? Aaaarrrraa). We got stuck in an epic traffic jam that existed for no reason, and while idling we asked our driver how much longer. He said, "Che gunte," which, if you don't remember the previous dialogue, means "six hours." We decided to immediately procure a map and figure out where we were. So, we got out of the car and walked around the beautiful city of Araa. What's in a Araa? Bad food, turns out. Anyway, so we found a map and discovered that, in fact, the Nepal border IS 6 hours away. Super. We were then left with three options.

1) We turn around, and go back to Varanasi (another 6 hour drive)
2) We all go to Nepal, getting there at 8 PM and leave at 10 AM, our stay sandwiched between two 12-hour drives.
3) We all go to Patna, an hour-long drive from Araa, and check it out.

Jason was for turning back, but my brother said we might as well see Patna. I have no deciding weight, and didn't really care. We decided to go to Patna.

Now, if I were to equate Patna to a town in the States, I think I would say a shitty Detroit. If Detroit had no cultural influences (i.e. if Eminem weren't from there) and was about 60 times dirtier, then it might be Patna. Maybe. It would also have to be in India, I suppose.

I can only think of the word "bleak" when I think of Patna. The stores are piled on top of one another, there's racist grafitti against Bangladeshis everywhere, and the hotel we stayed at was super expensive and smelled like urine. It was totally lame, and I can now say I vacationed in Patna.

I will say, however, that Patna has one thing that was completely amazing. And that, my good friends, was the Patna zoo. There is no really good reason to go to Patna, but there's a really godamn great reason to go, and that's the zoo. I saw a tiger, a white tiger, elephants, rhinos, and Scott's camera got licked by a giraffe. I don't want anything else from a trip, so I considered it a success.

Anyway, the rest of the trip was pretty low-key. We left at 8 AM the next day and drove the 6 hours to Varanasi. I can honestly say that there has only been one thing that has made me really like Varanasi. Patna. While we were in Patna all I was thinking was, "Thank god I don't live here. Thank god." And as soon as we crossed the bridge over the Ganga to Varanasi, I was actually happy to smell my home city. I can tell you that that was the first time I have ever been happy to be met by that smell. So, all in all, the Patna trip was a success.

When we got back we stayed at the Radisson one more night (that was when I stole the pillow, by the way), and the next day I had class. Really, other than my trip to Patna, not much has happened. Oh, except for one photoshoot I had with my brother on the ghats. Here's a bunch of photos I took.

Now let's just start by saying that I have a goat problem. I love goats. I love them too much, and I know that. The number of pictures I took of these two goats is utterly absurd. For real.

Anyway, here is a picture of goats cuddling and a photo of Scott taking a picture of a goat.






Here are some mildly artistic pictures I took.






And these pictures are just ones that I thought worthy of my blog. Everyone who knows me knows about my weakness for puppies, Indian children, and Water Buffalo.














The final photo is definitely my favorite. In fact....Do you know what Water Buffalo remind me of? Those things in The Dark Crystal. The wisemen or something that use canes and have serious spinal problems. They were called Mystics. They walk, in the film, exactly like Water Buffalo. Okay, that's enough dorky references for one day.

Tonight the program house is having a fake early Thanksgiving. One of the girls on the program, Ariel, has taken charge and is cooking up a storm. Everyone's bringing or making something, and I will be making devastatingly delicious garlic mashed potatoes. It's going to be awesome, and you all should be jealous.

-allison