Hyderabad? More like...HyderabadASS

My December vacation trip around India started with me being, as my brother coined, a doofus. Misreading my train ticket (which was in English just to paint that picture for you) I arrived at the Varanasi train station not one, not two, but five hours early for my train. So after sitting in the train station for half an hour I decided to go see a movie at one of the malls that were close by. The movie, which I saw after a quick bite at McDonalds, was called "Oh, My God."

In the film, God jumps between snarkily narrating the story and snarkily showing up as various supporting roles. The story is simple. Guy comes up with a money-making scheme; guy prays to god that it will work, gets fired for handing out pamphlets about his scheme at work, guy repeatedly gets given money by God, guy goes insane lying on a pile of money in the street, God, as a mental hospital doctor, tells him he is mqking good progress and then guy ends the film by playing ball with his friend's daughter. It was all very straightforward and a real treat to watch.

After the movie I went back to the train station where I sat in the ladies waiting room for an hour until 9pm: the hour when my train was orignally supposed to arrive. To make a long and very boring five hours short for you, after three "This American Life"s and several sudokus later, the train arrived at 2am and I got on. I don't have much to say about the actual train ride except that I wasn't allowed to sit in the doorways because Indian officials love rules and I was on the train for 36 hours. Now, I'm the last person to say that train travel is boring, but 36 hours on a train is pretty substantially a) uncomfortable and b) boring. In any case, I arrived in Hyderabad 8 hours late, where I was met by the people I am staying with, a Belgian couple named Katrein and Hans. I met Katrein through Couchsurfing.com a week ago or so, and asked if it could stay with her. She said yes and I totally (I mean totally) lucked out.

First of all, I didn't have to take a rickshaw to her house, because she met me at the station with her driver, Saiid. We went back to her totally swank apartment where I was shown to my own room and bathroom. Right as I walked in I smelled something familiar, but I couldn't tell what it was. Katrein then said, "Oh, the bread must be ready, one minute," and then took out bread from her bread machine.

What? I was just in India...right? Wrong. Welcome to heaven.

So I spent some time napping and eating freshmade bread, and then Katrein, Katrein's friend's son Pinto, and I went for a walk around Lotus Lake. It's a really beautiful lake with a very nice and trash-free path around it. Afterwards we came back to the house, I learned how to say some words in Dutch (my accent is apparently very good) and waited for Hans, Katrein's boyfriend, to come home. We went upstairs to have a drink with a woman from Germany who was very nice, but was upset that she couldn't being her cat home during her vacation due to the EU's crazy animal-protection rules.

Roundabout 7 we went to the "Twin Cities Tea" which is just a bunch of ex pats (people from Western countries who leave to live in India) and NRIs (non-resident Indians). Anyway, I overheard the most American conversation ever (at least in recent memory):

Scene: two men, one very skinny, one very overweight; both have crewcuts and both are American.

A: So where are you from in the states?

B: Chicago

A: *leans back and nods while saying* Ooooohhhyeah Chicago. Whereabouts?

B: *extends his pinky from his beer and makes a circle* Belmont area you know, down the green line?

A: Yeah yeah, the green line. My sister spent some time in Chicago a few years back; college.

B: *that tongue click thing people do* Yup.

It was like every gathering I have ever been to. Ever. When I heard it I almost cried. God, I miss America.

Anyway, so after we ate some food there, we went to a club called Firefly. Before we went in Katrein said, "Now, if you're uncomfortable, tell us and we can leave. I don't know if I could handle this coming from your kind of city." I, foolishly, said, "Oh no, don't worry. I'll be fine." And thus it began.

I entered into a midnight blue, black, chrome, and glass room with music so loud the clothes that weren't right up against your body vibrated with every beat. The people all had skinny jeans, gelled hair, and black eye-liner. I saw the craziest haircuts ranging from a faux hawk to a fashion mullet. Run Lola Run was playing on four projector screens throughout the club and the bartenders were in complete silhouette, with blue neon lights pulsing on the wall behind them. Waiters in entirely black outfits with polished silk ties suggested drinks like 'cosmos,' 'mojitos,' and 'lemon twist martinis.' This place was out of this world. Or at least the hell out of India.

I spent two hours talking to various very successful couples who decided to live in Hyderabad for various reasons. Most had been brought up India, and everyone I talked to had spent at least seven years living the US. At 11:30 we got a hookah and sat in a side room that was entirely white plastic. The waiters brought us water. Then it was closing time. The club cleared out in a matter of minutes and it was 11:57. The clubs, Hans and Katrein told me, all close at midnight. So we very abruptly were ushered out into the elevator and went home to sleep.

Today Katrein and I saw Golconda fort, which was great, and then we bought tomatoes and cucumbers for a tomato, cucumber, and feta cheese salad, which was also great. The two activities were pretty on par for me. The rest of the day has been spent walking around and cooking myself dinner. Overall, a very good day.

But despite my pretty laid back day, the title of this entry remains to be my opinion of Hyderabad.

I saw a fashion mullet, people.

-allison